perfect touch. day 16

invisible wrestling prolongs my destitute

in the land of waiting

wings of oblivious misery

over my crawly prayers

pretend to be crystal independent

give up the ordinary

is your gentle touch enough

to pierce through the elements of my callous imagination

save me from destruction of poetic vanity

wake me up

zdobycz duchowa. spiritual gain. day 11

photo by Lateefa

zdobycz duchowa spiritual gain

łatwa do stracenia jest so easy to loose

pamięć o niej jednak the remembrance of it

drąży w zakamarkach hollows out in the nooks

jestestwa of being

nie pozwala chodzić w zastanej rzeczywistości forbidding to walk in a known reality

kto bowiem raz skosztował because who once tasted

nie zadowoli się ochłapem will not be pleased with the scrap

samej pamięci of a mere remembrance

lecz wyrwie serce swoje but will tore his heart out

zostawi wszystko will leave everything

nie będzie już grzebać umarłych will not bury the dead

lecz popędzi but will rush off

do źródła egzystencji to the source of existence

do sedna sprawy zajrzy will look into the heart of the matter

jak do studni like into the well

i ujrzy oblicze Boga samego to catch a glimpse of God’s countenance

w zwierciadle duszy in the mirror of his soul

stęsknionej za Panem longing for the Lord

tylko ten krzyż plącze się między nogami

only this cross entangled around me

co by tu z nim zrobić

what could I do with it

intense spiritual commitment. day 6

 photo by eddiemalone

To find a treasure, a pearl of great price, what must one do? To be joined with the Creator, our own efforts are not enough. It is His gift, but it depends on one’s necessary intense spiritual commitment. The consolation comes in the verse:

But from there you will seek the LORD your God, and you will find Him if you search for Him with all your heart and all your soul. (Deut 4:29)

“heart” in this text means:

inner man, mind, will, heart, soul, understanding,inner part, midst, knowledge, thinking, reflection, memory,inclination, resolution, determination (of will), conscience, heart (of moral character), seat of appetites, seat of emotions and passions, seat of courage.

“soul” in this text means:

soul, self, life, creature, person, appetite, mind, living being, desire, emotion, passion, that which breathes, the breathing substance or being, soul, the inner being of man, the man himself, self, person or individual, seat of the appetites, seat of emotions and passions, activity of mind,activity of the will, activity of the character .

Can one afford not to give Him all? People are spending their lives on pursuing professional carriers, sports, hobbies, fame, power, money wholeheartedly. They are giving their time, money and energy in pursuit of chaff and temporary pleasures.

One can’t find the highest fulfillment without offering all. What is worth dying for, is worth living for. Understanding of the eternal brings life under heavenly order.


This morning was sunny and bright. I opened the window and the air had a smell of the spring rain. Suddenly another aroma joined the air. The fragrance of peonies, which my daughter brought from the garden and placed in a glass vase.

I don’t know why, but the scents bring me instantly to the places associated with them, playing games with my brain, activating the memories otherwise not recollected and somewhat fogged down.

The sweet smell of just one single red peonia, standing motionless in front of me, transported my occupied mind in a split of a second to the festive day of Corpus Cristi processions (Boze Cialo). I could almost touch the flower’s petals in my basket, which I carried a small child during the Corpus Christi procession. I would gracefully throw in front of the priest carrying Eucharist, and hundreds of the parish believers would follow behind.

The next memory was of the sense of unrestricted imagination associated with the coming spring carrying unexpected adventures. The feeling of growing expectations, untamed and unbalanced, carrying the vigor of the surely bright and fulfilling future was sweeping me away. Nothing less then life with it’s highest possibilities and confidence in the upcoming times, trusting forward, forgetting the former, throwing myself into almost unreachable layers of fantasies – all of these thoughts were swirling around, not wanting to be caught by a categorically established rules of things to be. Possibilities of loss or suffering on the way were out of the picture. The sense of hope was ruling and drawing my already tickled soul into the risky ventures of the familiar, and at the same time unknown feelings mingled with reality. Where was I and were was the world. The only sensible thing to do in my mind then was to unquestionably jump off the cliff and eagerly experience what was not lived yet before.

Another memory was of my grandmother’s garden with lots of peonies everywhere. They would bloom shortly, but furiously, giving their beauty to the world, and quickly dying, envied and missed by many till the next season of life would come around. I could almost feel the smoothness of them under the palms of my hand, stroking it gently, imagining rich, pleasant velvet and royal beds from the ancient times covered with luxurious muslin.

All if this happened in a split of a second. How did God made a human mind to do THAT?

The conquest of the Bride

“The conquest of the Bride” is the title of 12th chapter from “Heart from Heart of the World” by Hans Urs von Balthasar. H. U. von Balthasar, a Swiss theologian, was called “perhaps the most cultured man of our century” by pope Benedict 16 and one of the most influential writers of the 20th century. His writings, over 1,000 books and articles, were based upon theological studies of the Scriptures and the works of the church fathers. I am enjoying reading some of his books during the last year or so, and found this excerpt on CERC.

Read the whole chapter here or download it from my “I share” files (in the sidebar). Here are few fragments, an oracle of God to His church-Bride. It’s dogmatic and transcendental substance coexists with the lyrical, but meaningful finesse of revelation, reaching to the depths of God’s heart and revealing His anguish and desires.

 by januaryman

You will be a sign of contradiction among the peoples, and no one will even as much as whisper your name, O my Church, without shuddering.

Over you men will have to part their ways, for many will love you and squander everything for you, but very many will hate you, and these will swear an oath not to rest until they have exterminated you from the land of men. And you will be despised like no man or thing, except myself, has ever been despised on earth. They will stand in line for the privilege of spitting in your face, of wiping off on your garments the mud from their shoes.

Your administrators stingily dole out through well-run pipe-systems and institutions the precious liquid of my grace. The bark of the tree which once blossomed in the wild has now turned to cork. You have become such an established household that even the catastrophic storms of the times, and persecution rattling at your gates and windows, can hardly awaken you from sleep, and a slap in your face can elicit from you but an embarrassed smile. Disgrace covers the length of you, all the more poignantly as you try to deny it, pretending nothing is amiss.

It is with you, my Body, that I am forever fighting the great, apocalyptic battle.

The inglorious weakness with which, in this century of collapse, you stand before the world unable to transform it: this weakness is already a part of the mystery of my own inglorious weakness, for when was I ever strong enough to renew the face of this exterior world?

Bind yourself to me so irrevocably that I will be able to descend to hell with you; and then I will bind you to myself so irrevocably that, with me, you will be able to ascend to very heaven.

And so, in spite of everything, you will be my sign among the nations. To them you will remain a very implausible thing, so much so that they will daily prophesy your death. And you will indeed die after a fashion. But see: we live, you and I, for I have died once, and whoever eats of my death will live eternally and I will awaken him on the Last Day — – and each day is the last.

tears in a bottle

until the shadows flee away

raise me up to the firmness of your rare whispers

until the shadows flee away

offer me a breath formed out of the twisters of your never-ending life

until the shadows flee away

return my present to the past broken crystal tears

until the shadows flee away

collect every drop of shackled misery in your bottle of memories

i see the reflection of my-panicked-self

in the mirrored bare salted tears

why does it seem so drastically familiar

until i reach the crack leading to the sea of glass

hide me behind your muslin veil of presence

make a new label for the bottle

with a prolonged term of use

I thirst

You have kept record of my days of wandering.

You have stored my tears in your bottle and counted each of them.

Ps 56:8

Refresh me

He brought me to the banqueting house

and his banner over me was love

Sustain me with raisins

refresh me with apples

for I am sick with love.

I forgot to be lovesick

my alarm clock wakes me up only for the common things

Refresh my broken irregular perception

for the vastness of the gentle breeze

Your Ruah is drawing me in

elevate my thinking above the trivial

swirling of lasting ever will drown me in your love

swiftly overwhelm me

before the alarm clock will scream again

i am weak

you are God

sustain me


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