invisible wrestling prolongs my destitute
in the land of waiting
wings of oblivious misery
over my crawly prayers
pretend to be crystal independent
give up the ordinary
is your gentle touch enough
to pierce through the elements of my callous imagination
save me from destruction of poetic vanity
wake me up
photo by Lateefa
zdobycz duchowa spiritual gain
łatwa do stracenia jest so easy to loose
pamięć o niej jednak the remembrance of it
drąży w zakamarkach hollows out in the nooks
jestestwa of being
nie pozwala chodzić w zastanej rzeczywistości forbidding to walk in a known reality
kto bowiem raz skosztował because who once tasted
nie zadowoli się ochłapem will not be pleased with the scrap
samej pamięci of a mere remembrance
lecz wyrwie serce swoje but will tore his heart out
zostawi wszystko will leave everything
nie będzie już grzebać umarłych will not bury the dead
lecz popędzi but will rush off
do źródła egzystencji to the source of existence
do sedna sprawy zajrzy will look into the heart of the matter
jak do studni like into the well
i ujrzy oblicze Boga samego to catch a glimpse of God’s countenance
w zwierciadle duszy in the mirror of his soul
stęsknionej za Panem longing for the Lord
tylko ten krzyż plącze się między nogami
only this cross entangled around me
co by tu z nim zrobić
what could I do with it
photo by eddiemalone
To find a treasure, a pearl of great price, what must one do? To be joined with the Creator, our own efforts are not enough. It is His gift, but it depends on one’s necessary intense spiritual commitment. The consolation comes in the verse:
But from there you will seek the LORD your God, and you will find Him if you search for Him with all your heart and all your soul. (Deut 4:29)
“heart” in this text means:
inner man, mind, will, heart, soul, understanding,inner part, midst, knowledge, thinking, reflection, memory,inclination, resolution, determination (of will), conscience, heart (of moral character), seat of appetites, seat of emotions and passions, seat of courage.
“soul” in this text means:
soul, self, life, creature, person, appetite, mind, living being, desire, emotion, passion, that which breathes, the breathing substance or being, soul, the inner being of man, the man himself, self, person or individual, seat of the appetites, seat of emotions and passions, activity of mind,activity of the will, activity of the character .
Can one afford not to give Him all? People are spending their lives on pursuing professional carriers, sports, hobbies, fame, power, money wholeheartedly. They are giving their time, money and energy in pursuit of chaff and temporary pleasures.
One can’t find the highest fulfillment without offering all. What is worth dying for, is worth living for. Understanding of the eternal brings life under heavenly order.
This morning was sunny and bright. I opened the window and the air had a smell of the spring rain. Suddenly another aroma joined the air. The fragrance of peonies, which my daughter brought from the garden and placed in a glass vase.
I don’t know why, but the scents bring me instantly to the places associated with them, playing games with my brain, activating the memories otherwise not recollected and somewhat fogged down.
The sweet smell of just one single red peonia, standing motionless in front of me, transported my occupied mind in a split of a second to the festive day of Corpus Cristi processions (Boze Cialo). I could almost touch the flower’s petals in my basket, which I carried a small child during the Corpus Christi procession. I would gracefully throw in front of the priest carrying Eucharist, and hundreds of the parish believers would follow behind.
The next memory was of the sense of unrestricted imagination associated with the coming spring carrying unexpected adventures. The feeling of growing expectations, untamed and unbalanced, carrying the vigor of the surely bright and fulfilling future was sweeping me away. Nothing less then life with it’s highest possibilities and confidence in the upcoming times, trusting forward, forgetting the former, throwing myself into almost unreachable layers of fantasies – all of these thoughts were swirling around, not wanting to be caught by a categorically established rules of things to be. Possibilities of loss or suffering on the way were out of the picture. The sense of hope was ruling and drawing my already tickled soul into the risky ventures of the familiar, and at the same time unknown feelings mingled with reality. Where was I and were was the world. The only sensible thing to do in my mind then was to unquestionably jump off the cliff and eagerly experience what was not lived yet before.
Another memory was of my grandmother’s garden with lots of peonies everywhere. They would bloom shortly, but furiously, giving their beauty to the world, and quickly dying, envied and missed by many till the next season of life would come around. I could almost feel the smoothness of them under the palms of my hand, stroking it gently, imagining rich, pleasant velvet and royal beds from the ancient times covered with luxurious muslin.
All if this happened in a split of a second. How did God made a human mind to do THAT?
“The conquest of the Bride” is the title of 12th chapter from “Heart from Heart of the World” by Hans Urs von Balthasar. H. U. von Balthasar, a Swiss theologian, was called “perhaps the most cultured man of our century” by pope Benedict 16 and one of the most influential writers of the 20th century. His writings, over 1,000 books and articles, were based upon theological studies of the Scriptures and the works of the church fathers. I am enjoying reading some of his books during the last year or so, and found this excerpt on CERC.
Read the whole chapter here or download it from my “I share” files (in the sidebar). Here are few fragments, an oracle of God to His church-Bride. It’s dogmatic and transcendental substance coexists with the lyrical, but meaningful finesse of revelation, reaching to the depths of God’s heart and revealing His anguish and desires.
You will be a sign of contradiction among the peoples, and no one will even as much as whisper your name, O my Church, without shuddering.
Over you men will have to part their ways, for many will love you and squander everything for you, but very many will hate you, and these will swear an oath not to rest until they have exterminated you from the land of men. And you will be despised like no man or thing, except myself, has ever been despised on earth. They will stand in line for the privilege of spitting in your face, of wiping off on your garments the mud from their shoes.
Your administrators stingily dole out through well-run pipe-systems and institutions the precious liquid of my grace. The bark of the tree which once blossomed in the wild has now turned to cork. You have become such an established household that even the catastrophic storms of the times, and persecution rattling at your gates and windows, can hardly awaken you from sleep, and a slap in your face can elicit from you but an embarrassed smile. Disgrace covers the length of you, all the more poignantly as you try to deny it, pretending nothing is amiss.
It is with you, my Body, that I am forever fighting the great, apocalyptic battle.
The inglorious weakness with which, in this century of collapse, you stand before the world unable to transform it: this weakness is already a part of the mystery of my own inglorious weakness, for when was I ever strong enough to renew the face of this exterior world?
Bind yourself to me so irrevocably that I will be able to descend to hell with you; and then I will bind you to myself so irrevocably that, with me, you will be able to ascend to very heaven.
And so, in spite of everything, you will be my sign among the nations. To them you will remain a very implausible thing, so much so that they will daily prophesy your death. And you will indeed die after a fashion. But see: we live, you and I, for I have died once, and whoever eats of my death will live eternally and I will awaken him on the Last Day — – and each day is the last.
until the shadows flee away
raise me up to the firmness of your rare whispers
until the shadows flee away
offer me a breath formed out of the twisters of your never-ending life
until the shadows flee away
return my present to the past broken crystal tears
until the shadows flee away
collect every drop of shackled misery in your bottle of memories
i see the reflection of my-panicked-self
in the mirrored bare salted tears
why does it seem so drastically familiar
until i reach the crack leading to the sea of glass
hide me behind your muslin veil of presence
make a new label for the bottle
with a prolonged term of use
You have kept record of my days of wandering.
You have stored my tears in your bottle and counted each of them.
He brought me to the banqueting house
and his banner over me was love
Sustain me with raisins
refresh me with apples
for I am sick with love.
I forgot to be lovesick
my alarm clock wakes me up only for the common things
Refresh my broken irregular perception
for the vastness of the gentle breeze
Your Ruah is drawing me in
elevate my thinking above the trivial
swirling of lasting ever will drown me in your love
swiftly overwhelm me
before the alarm clock will scream again
i am weak
you are God
(click on the picture to see more)