Recently someone expressed to me an opinion about something I do. It was very pleasant, positive, encouraging. This person did not have to do it, was not expected to do it, nevertheless I was astounded by this small gesture of kindness. (By the way, when I started to live in USA, I didn’t know what to think of Americans when they exuberantly and almost always enthusiastically were positive about almost all of their surroundings, including their religion, jobs, society, friendships, especially others; they should be awarded as the most encouraging nation around the globe, I think).
I thought in my head first: why is this person doing it? I did not do anything for her? Then it struck me, that maybe, just maybe it would be something I should just receive, not question. You know, I like to beat myself up about everything. It’s on my everyday menu. Oh yes. I can blame it on the system I was raised in (communism), on the turmoiled growing up years, my personality type etc. I can find few other causes and I don’t have to think that hard.
It’s always very interesting to me what people think of themselves versus what others think of them. After living on this earth for some years now, I know that neither is the whole truth. (Dah…) Doubt it? Ask someone who knows you well. Guarantee that you will be surprised by their answers. Not that they would be necessarily more negative then you expect…unless they would be… Perceptions are mostly not true. I think by now everyone in their life time had at least one personality/temperament test done. Do you remember the surveys always talk about so called “blind spots”? Things we don’t see clearly, but they are present consistently in our behavior? Things, we don’t want to see, but others can point to right away? (not in USA, in other countries they would, trust me…)
Well, what do you think of me, my Beloved?
I have to ask this question many times a day, because I need to hear Him say it over and over. I need to breath it. I need to believe it. His words must win over my presumptions, statements, opinions. I need to ask Him more. He loves to be asked over and over again. He loves to answer over and over again.
What do you think of me, my Beloved?